I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
