he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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