we're blogging at a bar
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
