she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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