I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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