I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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