'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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