Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
