I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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