eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
