He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
