dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
