just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Randomize