living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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