So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
