i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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