my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
organizing the empties. That sober.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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