The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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