dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So much Jack, so little girl.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize