you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
