Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
