i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
