Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story

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(503): View more from Oregon

My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours

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(303): View more from Colorado

Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?

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(203): View more from Connecticut

he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.

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(303): View more from Colorado

There are paw prints all over my ceiling.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now

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(720): View more from Colorado

Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.

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