Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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