i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
