Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize