turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
