jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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