That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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