R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
