So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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