booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
