While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
