It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
