Im at strip club and am horny
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
