You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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