What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize