Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
