What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
