I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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