Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
