i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
