girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
