No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize