hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
