I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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