I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
