new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
