Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
