He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
