a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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