At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
