I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i need some magic done to my vagina
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize