This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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