Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
