"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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