omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize