VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
