she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize