you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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