I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
