I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize