im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
