I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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