last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
