If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
