you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
