The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
