I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize