I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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