I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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