I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
