Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
