Who wears a wallet chain?!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
