i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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