were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
