he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
