so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
