This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
