when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
