well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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