He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i drank out of a bidet.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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