Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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