just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
