i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize