I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
