You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
