U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
