I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
