Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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