Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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