dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Someone shattered a urinal.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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