Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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