I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
