OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
