Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
His nipple licking is glorious
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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