just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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