Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize