Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
