he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
