woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
