i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she smelled like a LAN party
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
