Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
