i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
