I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
