I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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